Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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