I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
