If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fuck appropriateness.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
