Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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