i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
