Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
