she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
