sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my poor anus
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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