oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
