apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
