just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
