These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
