I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
