mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
