I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like iHOP with fire
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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