also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
