Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
