nut hugger
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He shit in the fireplace
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