i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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