Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
