Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
