How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
