Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
