I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
