Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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