Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Go christen that room with your naked body.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
