NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
