I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
