so explain again why im purple
no
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
