Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
