You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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