could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
