I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
