I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
