: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
