have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
