so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
