u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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