Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
