Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sober January is a disaster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
