Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
