I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
