She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
