Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
