Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
