Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
love makes seman taste better
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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