I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
