I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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