so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
