to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
