I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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