Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
